Performing Ourselves
Gender, Choice, and the Erotic
When I want to explore the quirks of the human experience — especially those so ingrained that we barely notice them — I often turn to my favorite sci-fi universes. In this case: Star Trek: Prodigy and Halo.
In Prodigy, we meet Zero, a non-corporeal, genderless Medusan who teaches us that family is not bound by presentation, and that we can delight in the physical world while maintaining a gender-neutral identity.
Halo, on the other hand, offers artificial intelligences like Cortana and Serina who choose their forms, as well as Black Box, who refuses any humanoid shape at all. Here too, presentation becomes a deliberate act — a choice rather than a default.
Both stories remind us that the ways we present ourselves are shaped by who we are and by the social norms around us. And that’s exactly where this week’s topic begins.
Uses of the Erotic
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t encounter the word erotic outside of a sexual context — which might make you feel a little uncomfortable right now.
It’s okay to sit with that discomfort for a moment.
And breathe.
If I had to explain why “erotic” feels so loaded, I’d borrow Audre Lorde’s words:
In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of the oppressed that can provide energy for change. For women, this has meant a suppression of the erotic as a considered source of power and information within our lives.
For Lorde — and for me — the erotic is about far more than sexuality. It is the beginning of our sense of self and our ability to navigate the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is recognizing that we hold power over ourselves, directing our energy toward chosen outcomes, and noticing how we feel along the way.
From a social perspective, eroticism has been flattened into something purely sexual — and usually something that only applies to women. This narrow framing strips away real power. And when men embrace a form of masculinity that erases women’s erotic power, they also diminish their own. The result is a society where we perform gender in ways that disempower almost everyone.
Panic! At the Gender Performance
Speaking of performance, let’s connect this to our next piece of assigned content for the module: Panic! At the Gender Performance, an episode of Binchtopia hosted by Julia Hava and eliza mclamb.
Before we dive in, a quick note for anyone new to Binchtopia (like I was): if you hear “Harley” mentioned, that’s Eliza’s cat — a detail that took me embarrassingly long to figure out.
Although I’m relatively well-versed in feminist theory, I’ll admit I’ve struggled to make it through much of Judith Butler’s work and then explain it clearly to others. Academic writing in queer theory can be extremely jargon-heavy — and I have my own theories about why that is — which makes me appreciate what Julia and Eliza do even more.
Much like hearing the word erotic, talking about gender as a performance can conjure images of a literal stage. You might picture drag queens or drag kings. But Butler’s point is that we are all performing gender every minute of every day — and that’s what makes it so insidious. We make gender “real” by acting in specific ways and having those actions accepted by the people around us.
Gender is something we are constantly creating in real time. That’s why I can perform femininity while wearing pants, whereas my great-grandmother absolutely could not have done the same.
Dove - Real Beauty
Our last piece of media for this week is a testament to how messy and complicated feminism can be.
In my view, feminism is at its most pure and radical when it incorporates anti-colonialism and anti-imperialism — both of which rest on the belief that capitalism harms people and the planet. I believe this is absolutely true.
And yet, this Dove ad is a powerful reminder that how we perform gender is deeply personal and rooted in our bodies. It sends a message that our lives matter, and that our bodies and minds have value. Yes, it comes from a corporation that profits within a capitalist system, but that only reinforces the responsibility companies have to repair the harm they cause — to our bodies, psyches, and the environment.
Holding these truths together — that capitalism can be harmful and that a corporation can (and should) produce meaningful feminist messaging — is part of engaging with feminism in a nuanced way.
As we’re closing out this week’s module, I have a few things I’m hoping you’ll think about.
💭How has thinking about gender presentation impacted you?
❓ Do you have any questions that you want me to address during my Substack Live on Tuesday, September 16?
✨If you want access to the recording and to have space to discuss this week’s module in a private chat, please upgrade to a paid subscription.
References
Butler, J. (1990). Gender trouble: Feminism and the subversion of identity. Routledge.
Hava, J., & McNeer, E. (Hosts). (2023, July 26). Panic! At the gender performance (No. 146) [Audio podcast episode]. In Binchtopia. https://binchtopia.com/
Lorde, A. (1978). Uses of the erotic: The erotic as power. Out & Out Books.
Unilever. (2004). Dove real beauty campaign [Advertisement]. Dove. https://www.dove.com/